Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
