I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
