eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
