apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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