He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
