Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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