Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
