Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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