Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
