Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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