i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
