i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize