I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
