We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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