if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
