In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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