And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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