I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
