Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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