Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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