The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
