Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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