Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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