She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
