You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
