So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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