I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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