My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
