butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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