so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize