This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
