Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
