A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
