The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
