Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
