I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
