dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How external is "for external use only"?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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