My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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