Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
