Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
