Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
