hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
