This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
