TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
