My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
