cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
