My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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