Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
