I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
