dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
