Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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