my vag is so smooth its legendary
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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