is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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