There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
