I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
