we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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