I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
