are you so shy because you have an std?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
