i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
