Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
