Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
