Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize