This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
