It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
